My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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