i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
