all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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