mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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