Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
