Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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