The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
