Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
