sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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