we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
