he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
