HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize