I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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