im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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