I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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