we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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