Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
