He uses pillows to masturbate.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize