can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
