i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
babies were throwing up all over the place
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize