Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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