if you like me you must not know who I am
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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