i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
