okay pat passed out under dana's car
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
