You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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