so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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