She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
