So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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