last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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