I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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