pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
