I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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