would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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