Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
