i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So much rum. So many feels.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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