is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize