So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
