you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
