help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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