Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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