Swine flu. Run for my life!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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