i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
