I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
