Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
