I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
