This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
