I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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