I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Everclear isn't food dammit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
