I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
