Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
