I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
