You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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