I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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