I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize