I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize