but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
