So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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