So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
