I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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