I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
