i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize